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We provide Hospice care & support to patients and their loved ones living in Kent and East Sussex. Learn more about how we can help you.
Grief is not linear
“I found it hard to accept that she was no longer with me, especially as many of our friends are older and I was suddenly having to face life on my own. Although people focus on anniversaries and significant dates, I find those less troubling. What I struggle with more are the constant, unexpected memories that surface at any time. Grief often feels illogical and beyond my control.
“Lorraine’s deterioration happened quickly, and because she was a proud, private, and independent person, very few people saw how unwell she became. I lived with her decline day in and day out, and that experience felt overwhelming and isolating. I often describe it as being haunted by what I witnessed – a ‘big black wall’ that blocked my view of the 39 years and 10 months of the good, happy life we shared, leaving only the last two awful months visible.
The value of talking
“As the sessions progressed, I realised I needed more challenge rather than just space to talk. When the counsellor began asking more probing questions, I found it particularly beneficial. It helped me reflect on my own thoughts and behaviours and deepened my understanding of my grief.
“Some things remain difficult. Returning home after time away is still the hardest moment. The garden, once a shared source of encouragement and quiet companionship, was painful to return to; it took me a long time to be able to go into it at all. Lorraine never gardened herself, but she was always supportive and encouraging, and the absence of her presence there has been deeply felt.
