Tracey’s story: The Hospice scooped us up

As a member of Lamberhurst Hospice Friends Group, helping to raise thousands of pounds over many years, Tracey Parfitt was proud to be supporting a valued local cause.  However, it was only when her ‘incredible’ father-in-law John unexpectedly became ill last year, that Tracey came to truly understand the profound impact Hospice care makes for both patients and their families too.

“There aren’t many people around like John, he was a special man,” says Tracey, reflecting on her father-in-law John Parfitt, who died last July, aged 85. “He was so in love with life. To him, the world was an incredible place; he was always commenting on the sky, appreciating what was around him.”

Loving husband of wife Wendie for 64 years, father of sons Jonathan and James – Tracey’s husband – and grandfather of six grandchildren, John Parfitt loved nothing more than spending time with his family.

“He was easy, calm and understanding and a fairy tale grandfather; his grandchildren could do no wrong!” remembers Tracey, affectionately. “He was a kind, loving man and had the ability not to dwell on things. It wasn’t that he didn’t know hardship – he had lived through the war, was evacuated to Bury St Edmunds from Dulwich and left school at 15 to be an apprentice as a colour etcher at Wace & Co. John just looked at things positively.”

“A particularly happy memory was him enjoying the Christmas lights trail with us all at Bedgebury last year – I still can’t quite believe he managed to walk the entire trail! It was pouring with rain, he was soaking wet, but he still got such pleasure from it, saying how wonderful it all was!”

However, when John and Wendie came to stay at Tracey and James’ home the following summer, it became apparent that John’s health had declined. Within days, tests revealed that John had stage 4 pancreatic cancer.

“With the shock of the diagnosis, we felt lost and didn’t know which way to turn,” said Tracey. “Thankfully, we were put in touch with the Hospice’s Outreach service. The nurse we spoke to had a kind, frank discussion with us, it was just what we needed to hear.  It was amazing, it really helped us to cope at such a difficult time and come to terms with what was happening.

“A Hospice Outreach nurse came to see John and we explained we would like to care for him, so he could die at home with us.

Tracey said: “We have got so many memories and photos showing him in silly poses, making silly faces, looking happy as he always did. We will speak of him this Christmas and every Christmas and reminisce, laugh, smile and feel the essence of him. We will feel his warmth and remember the love.

“We all miss John. But it brings a lot of comfort to know he died pain-free and at peace. It means everything.”