Kirsty's story | Story | Hospice in the Weald

Watch: Kirsty shares her story

When Kirsty’s husband Andrew was admitted to the Hospice last summer, she discovered that the Hospice was not only there for Andrew, but for her and her teenage sons too.

“I think my happiest memories are just of being at home with Andrew; the small things,” said Kirsty. “Sitting on the sofa and having a drink together, chatting about rubbish and cooking together – all those things. Andrew was incredibly kind and generous. He was funny – very high maintenance as well, he would probably laugh if I didn’t say that as we would often joke about it. He was a very kind human being.”

He loved being a dad

“As soon as we got engaged, he was desperate for children and was incredibly happy when they came. He just loved being a dad. He was really supportive. He wanted to make sure they grew up to be happy to be who they were. He loved watching them do what they wanted to do.”

Andrew was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in 2024. Reflecting on being told the news, Kirsty said: “It was a huge shock, Andrew was terrified. He couldn’t’t talk about it, so that was really tough.”

A year of treatment and hospital visits followed, during which close friends and family supported Andrew, Kirsty, and their sons. “Everyone was incredibly supportive throughout the whole year of Andrew’s treatment. Whenever we needed them, they were there.

“Eventually, Andrew agreed to meet with Hannie (from the Hospice’s Outreach team). Within seconds she understood Andrew’s personality and what he needed from her. It was an incredibly emotional meeting, but it helped to set things in motion in his mind. There was no pressure to go into the Hospice then, it was just an initial chat.”

Over time, Andrew’s health deteriorated. After a few days in hospital, he was transferred to the Hospice in Pembury. “Even though he was very unwell when he went into hospital, we thought it would just be another time where he’d be given antibiotics and come home again,” Kirsty explained. “So, it was a big shock. But we walked in (to the Hospice), and it felt like home from the minute we arrived.

“I could definitely see Andrew’s body relax with relief. It was a lovely thing to see. He felt safe and secure; in a way he never thought he would. He was treated with so much kindness and respect. They talked to him and involved him in all the chats about his care. They gave him so much time and it really meant an awful lot to me and our entire family.”

Being in the Hospice took away the worry

“It’s a strange thing to say, but it was the first time I felt relief and felt safe. I was so exhausted by that stage, but because I felt so safe in the knowledge Andrew was out of pain, I could focus all my attention on supporting him and telling him how much I loved him.

“Caring for someone who is that unwell, especially in the middle of the night, it could be a very scary and lonely place. Being in the Hospice took all the worry away.”

andrew and his family in black and white

“Me, James, Henry and our small dog Roni came. I stayed in Andrew’s room, and the boys were given a separate room, where they could just take time to be themselves – be teenagers – and not have the intensity of being in Andrew’s room all the time. It gave them time to come to terms with the fact that Andrew was dying.

“The Hospice staff were incredible. They always took the time to make sure we were looked after and eating. Different people were always popping in to chat with us, and make sure the boys felt comfortable and relaxed, setting up a film for them to watch with Andrew or getting them ice cream, day, or night. They were always there. I could see how comfortable the boys became there. They felt protected. That felt very special.”

Thoughtful touches

“The nurses noticed Andrew was very tall, and he kept slipping down the bed which meant his feet kept bumping into the end of the bed, so they found a much longer bed for him. I know how much it meant to him to stretch his legs out in the bed. He hated being in hot rooms, so they pushed his bed outside, so he could be in this beautiful garden, feel the breeze and hear the birds.

“I remember there was one particular moment, the first and only time Andrew wanted to talk about death. One of the nurses, Maria, was unbelievably wonderful. She was incredibly honest and so gentle with the way she talked to Andrew – that meant a lot. He also met with the chaplain. He wasn’t a particularly religious person, but I could see it helped to put his mind in the right place. All the staff there provided care and thoughtful gestures for us all, that I will never forget.

“Both the boys were offered counselling which has been helpful, because I’m sad and grieving for my husband, but I can’t ever really know what James and Henry are feeling. It’s been important for them to go somewhere and be open about how they might feel.

“The fact that’s all free is unbelievable to me. In fact, the whole thing was completely free. I think it’s so important for people to know that the Hospice is there for them, because we just wouldn’t have those final special memories without the Hospice.”

Massive impact on all our lives

“The Hospice enabled me to look after Andrew in a different way. To be his wife and to have someone on my side helping to give him the best possible care. We only spent 13 days of our life with the Hospice, but it made a massive impact on my life, on my children’s lives and I know in Andrew’s life. It was the closest to home that it could be. It was a home, not a hospice.”

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It was the closest to home it could be: Kirsty's story

Watch: Kirsty shares her story

Watch: Kirsty shares her story

He loved being a dad

Being in the Hospice took away the worry

Thoughtful touches

Massive impact on all our lives